


All Wrong

by thefilthiestpiglet



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female Bucky Barnes, Genderbending, HYDRA Trash Party, Mastectomy, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefilthiestpiglet/pseuds/thefilthiestpiglet
Summary: For a 
thread on the trashmeme where Bucky is female, and HYDRA lopped her boobs because the Winter Soldier doesn't need them. (They have the Red Room for all the seductress stuff anyway). But unlike the Red Room, no hysterectomy -- instead, HYDRA uses her for breeding serum babies.This is the aftermath/recovery.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is [the picture that started all this.](http://potofsoup.tumblr.com/post/150852850062/its-really-okay-stella-why-are-you-upset)

He doesn't say "On your knees, bitch, it's breeding time." He doesn't say "Keep sucking, I need my cock hard to make some HYDRA supersoldiers." Instead, she feels it when he's giving her a back rub: his cock, hard already, pressing against her back.

She turns around and looks down at it. She didn't think that Steve would want to breed with her, but it makes sense: twice the supersoldier. He blushes and says "It's okay, Bucky, you don't have to..." He is embarrassed that he got so hard over someone like her -- a weapon, a thing, a breeder.

It's okay, she can save him the embarrassment by pretending that he got hard from her ministrations. She gets on her knees and unzips his pants and sucks as she's taught to do. Moaning like she enjoys it. Soon his hands are in her short cropped hair.

"Bucky," He says, flushed and choking back a moan of his own. "I can't... I want..."

Of course, it's not permitted for them to come anywhere else. She gets up and pulls him to the bedroom. Stands at the edge of the bed and bends over. They never like looking at her chest -- it reminds them too much of what she is. She looks around for something to put over her ugly head, to complete the illusion that he is fucking a proper woman.

Instead, she sees his face. Flushed, desirous. She decides to risk not covering her face, and instead waits for him to enter.

He doesn't slap her ass and say, "Come on, open up, I gotta dump this load in your pussy." He doesn't pump his cock in and out, first mechanically and then out of control. Instead he ... bends down and touches her birth canal with his tongue. Bucky holds back a shiver at the wrongness of it.

Then he finds the odd, traitorous nub nearby that makes her shake despite her best muscle control. He plays with it with his finger and she braces herself for the assaults of intense sensations. The taunts of "Look at it kick and moan, play with it and it thinks it's my girlfriend" and "Wow, didn't think the bitch can squirt that far, think we can weaponize it?" 

Instead, he stops, and starts tugging at her shoulder. "Bucky, come on, I want to see your face." He says, as he gently turns her over. This is wrong. No one wants to see her face. It's why they put a muzzle on her most of the time. But he is Steve and so she complies.

He kisses the web of scars on her left shoulder, and then the thin scars on her flat chest, where real people would have breasts and nipples. She doesn't have them, because only people have the luxury of having superfluous body parts. He doesn't carve fake nipple shapes into her skin, doesn't grimace and talk about "covering that shit up, make it look more like a woman." Instead he kisses her and touches her, tenderly, lustfully, as if he wants her. As if she's real. And his hand is playing with her nub again and the waves of sensation are building once more.

The wrongness of everything culminates when he ejaculates over her blank chest as she kicks and moans and the sensations overcome her. And then he says "I love you, Bucky" and holds her close. As if she's precious in her malfunctions. As if she's a person.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another malfunction

Steve says that she's allowed to want things sometimes. So she waits three days before telling him that she's pregnant. She knows that after he finds out, he will be all too happy to have a new supersoldier to train. All too happy to not have to fuck her anymore. But she has been enjoying the breeding sessions, and while she knows what she feels doesn't matter, she tells herself that she is allowed to want an extra session or two.

At first it confused her that Steve made sure she reached orgasm every time. But after consulting JARVIS, she learned that there are studies showing that female orgasm makes it easier for the sperm to enter the uterus. All this new science that has been discovered since the last time she bore a child -- 3 months ago by her counting, but 25 years ago by the rest of the world.

But on the third night, the wastefulness of the action feels too wanton. She wants orgasms, yes, but her utility trumps any of her desires. So after Steve comes in her, she comes clean. "Steve. I'm sorry. You didn't have to. I'm pregnant. I felt implantation pains on Monday." She looks down. Steve said that she's allowed to want things, but she still feels shame when she says, "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier."

She waits for Steve to sigh with relief of not having to fuck her anymore. Or maybe punish her for her selfishness. Or make her recite her pregnancy statistics. hCG level approximately 80 mlU/ml. DPO 13. Fetal length 2mm.

Instead, Steve frowns. "You're... pregnant?"

She affirms this and recites her current statistics.

"Bucky... why didn't you tell me that you wanted to get pregnant? I feel like I should have a say in this. I wouldn't have come in you if you didn't say it was safe to."

Steve's words don't make sense. What she wants doesn't come into it. And why else would Steve breed with her? She addresses the part that she does understand. "But it *is* safe, Steve. HYDRA enhanced my birth canal excretions to be less acidic, and safer for the sperm. And don't worry about the safety of the pregnancy. I've done this five times already, and each one resulted in a healthy offspring." 

Steve's frown deepens. "Wait, you've been pregnant FIVE times?"

She lists the years. "1948. 1956. 1971. 1989. 1991. There were enough assignments for me to be out of cryo for an entire breeding cycle." Two to four weeks of sperm injections by various men, followed by thirty-eight weeks of pregnancy. "There have been two male and three female offspring." Two men and three women to serve HYDRA. Is this why Steve is upset? "I'm sorry that I produced enemies to the Avengers. They are most likely still alive. I can assist in tracking them down." She is a functional operative until the day of labor. She can help Steve with this.

Steve's frown does not lighten. She tries stating another consolatory fact. "And, as long as you continue to breed me, we will surpass five in number. " She can't imagine Steve wanting to do all the tiresome work, but there are other Avengers who might not mind. Especially if she covers her face and chest.

"Breed you?!" Steve's face is one of shock. "Bucky, all this time that we've been... you think I'm ...." Bucky waits as Steve struggles with words. Something is wrong and she doesn't know what.

Finally, Steve's face calms. 

"HYDRA has forcibly impregnated you five times, and you have had five children in the last 70 years. And when we have sex, you think that's what I'm doing: impregnating you."

The words are factually correct, but why does Steve make it sound like it's wrong? "Yes, you have been breeding me, and now you have succeeded. Is that not what you wanted?"

"Jesus. No, Bucky. I had sex with you because I love you, I love touching your body and making you moan in pleasure..." Steve stops suddenly. Then, in a small voice, he continues. "Have you been faking it the entire time?"

Funny, that Steve thinks a birth canal can be used so frivolously. As if what she felt during breeding mattered. She told Steve as such. 

Steve gets up and walks out of the room. Bucky had made Steve very upset. She wonders idly if he is going to punish her. He hasn't yet, in the month that she's been with the Avengers. But he has never left the room like this before, either. When he returns, she will tell him that he can't use electroshock while she's pregnant: there's other ways to make her hurt. (Although pain, too, should not matter. She should comply with disregard to whether she is feeling pain or pleasure. It is a malfunction that she fears pain, just like her wanting more pleasure from Steve.) 

She is a being full of malfunctions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops I accidentally wrote more in this 'verse. Sorry about the sads. Maybe one more part??????? In the indeterminate future?????????


	3. Chapter 3

While she waits for Steve to return, she thinks about her utility. With HYDRA, her functions were three: to kill, to train, to breed. It was simple, and each function had a measurable result: her breeding delivered new agents of HYDRA, her training increased agents' efficiency with killing, and killing led to dead bodies. 

Everything is a straight line towards death.

She remembers killing one of her offspring. May, 1971. She was 5 months pregnant with her third. The files said his name was Dmitri. Age 15. Went rogue and started running. "Waste of all that money and training," they said. "This wouldn't have happened if the Red Room agreed to take boys." 

She remembers seeing his face through her scope. Brown hair, long thin face, thick brows. He had stopped at a market stall, distracted by a vendor. A moment later that face was a bloom of red, collapsed on the cart of plums. 

If he wasn't distracted he might have lived a few minutes longer. She wonders if the sight and smell of fruit was worth it.

The plane ride back to her station in Lahore was when they decided that raising boys from birth was too much of a hassle. A life that didn't serve HYDRA was a waste. 

In September of that year she gave birth to a boy, but she was not assigned to kill that one: she had other people to kill in Dhaka. 

She wonders what Steve will do with this new offspring. The training facilities in the building are designed for adults. Maybe if it were a girl, Romanov would know what to do. If it were a boy...

The door opens and Steve walks in. There is a firm set to his jaw, as if he's on a mission. Bucky braces herself: her thoughts had calmed her, and she no longer fears punishment.

"Bucky, we can't keep the baby."

His eyes search her face.

She relaxes. It seems that no punishment is forthcoming. "You can already determine that it won't be a good agent?" Maybe technology has advanced. She had read something about genetic testing of fetuses.

Steve blinks. "What? How would I determine that? What does being a good agent have to do with babies?" Then he takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly. "Nevermind, let's unpack that another time. Right now, I want to know: how do you feel about terminating the pregnancy?"

She shrugs. "You have made your decision. I have never terminated a pregnancy early before, but I trust my recovery time will be short and I will not be out of commission for more than an hour."

"No, Bucky, I mean -- how do you *feel*? Do you *want* to abort the baby?"

She assesses herself. Does she want to bring another agent into the world? She knows she's allowed to want things, now. Did that extend beyond wanting pancakes and into her core functions? If she could want or not-want a baby, does that mean she could want or not-want to kill? She could choose to give up her primary functions. She shudders. That feels all wrong. She knew that a life without utility was a waste. And waste is eliminated.

Everything is a straight line to death.

And suddenly she wants something, very badly. She finds herself on her knees. "Please, Steve. I want to stay useful. Please don't eliminate me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep trying to make things happy but it's taking a while. I'm sorry, guys. Maybe this is what I get for titling this thing "All Wrong."
> 
> Also -- if you think Steve's behaving a bit weird here -- he has instructions from Natasha to try to get an honest reaction out of Bucky.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh hey the happy ending

She feels Steve's hands on her shoulders. "Bucky, I ..." And then, his hands stiffen and then drop to his sides as he takes three deep breaths.

Steve is probably taking in her pitiful transgressions. She's not supposed to want, to beg for herself.

"Bucky," when he speaks his voice is firm. Captain America. "Tell me why you don't want to be eliminated. If the only purpose of living is to serve your ... functions. Why would you care so much?"

"Because," she apologizes. Being on the floor has reminded her of her place. "Because I malfunctioned. It's fine, if you want to eliminate me. It's your decision to make." 

Steve's hand reaches out and cups her face, raises it to meet his eyes. They're blue, and soft like the bed they've given her. "Bucky, tell me about your ... malfunctions. What have you been doing wrong?"

It is only fair that Steve knows, so that he can make a proper judgment on her life. "I've been wanting things for myself. I want to keep breeding with you, the act makes me feel good. I want to keep sleeping in soft beds, and eat pancakes for breakfast. I don't want my offspring to become agents who fight and kill." She remembers the first malfunction -- the one time she could not kill her target. "I want to stay with you. Serving you and protecting you brings me calm."

She is about to go on, laying bare all of her wrongness, when Steve sinks down across from her.

Steve shouldn't be there. The floor isn't for him. But before she can point that out, he has his arms wrapped around her. "I want to stay with you, too, Bucky."

She holds still. A part of her wants to wrap her arms around him, too. Even if it has no function. "I want to hold you, Steve, but that doesn't make sense."

Steve sniffs from her shoulder, and tightens his hold. "Bucky, it's okay to want things that don't make sense. It's what makes life worth living."

She thinks.

She thinks about all the people she has killed. She thinks about her offspring -- the eldest would be 68 now, and the youngest, 25. She thinks about Dmitri, dead because he wanted plums. No. Dead because he wanted to stop serving HYDRA. She thinks about all the agents who she's trained -- the ones who then go on to fight and die for HYDRA. Compared to them, she has so much more. She has her functions, yes. But she also has Steve, who is holding her. She is no longer serving HYDRA, but strangely, she is still alive.

She carefully lifts up her arms and wraps them around Steve. Not for the purpose of breeding, or killing, or skill enhancement. Merely because she wants to. 

It feels all wrong, but she does it anyway. 

Dmitri had it right: the plums were worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering:
> 
> \- After this bit, Steve teaches Bucky that sex is different from breeding, and is something that Bucky could want.  
> \- Steve and Bucky have a proper talk about pregnancy, and after thorough research, Bucky decides that she is not yet ready for motherhood. They terminate the pregnancy at 10 weeks.  
> \- The 1971 baby didn't die -- they just left him in an orphanage and kept tabs on him over the years. They recruited him back to HYDRA after his stint in the army. Brock Rumlow doesn't know who his mom is, and if he did, he probably would have been disgusted that he came from such a non-person.
> 
> Also: if you want more, you might want to peek at the comments...

**Author's Note:**

> So... I was the one who prompted this, but it was really all of the discussion around the topic that inspired me to actually fill it. Many thanks, fellow trashbabies! <333
> 
> As usual, I'm on [tumblr](http://thefilthiestpiglet.tumblr.com)


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